Thanksgiving is such a lovely time.
A time for family memories to be made and traditions to be carried on.
A time spent laughing and loving one another around the table.
(insert record rip here)
Reality check… Thanksgiving is hard.
Here are the 10 reasons I never want to host a Thanksgiving dinner.
- Preparations start in October. There are lists to be made and people to invite. Basically, it starts draining brain capacity 30 days out.
- You have to have 17 foods hot and ready at the same time. (Some days just getting the dino nuggets hot at the same time as the canned corn can be too much. 17? really?)
- While the rest of the people who will gather round your table that evening are sleeping, you are elbow deep with your turkey at 3 am.
- You cook for 2 days just to have it all hoovered by your vulture-ish family members (that you may or may not even like) in 20 minutes.
- Except for the kids… of those 17 items that took you 2 days to prepare to have ready at the same time… the kids will only like 2 of them; jello-something and corn.
5b. Jello is a side dish? Why is it that for one day a year Jello (which I am not even sure is actually a food), becomes a side dish. Wrong. It’s just wrong.
- Black Friday now starts mid Thursday. Not only should we start calling it something else… but instead of leisurely sitting around and enjoying the 17 items which took days of preparations, we intentionally scarf them down to hustle out and save $10 on a gift for ourselves. (There are stats on this, it’s a real thing. Look it up.)
7b. Black Friday – Nothing savors all that gratitude like greedy consumerism, right? Oy!
- Men mostly watch football while women spend days preparing the 17 items perfectly timed items. Sometimes men participate in the traditional turkey carving, but mostly just lots of football.
- As soon as the table is cleared someone is bound to ask “Where’s your tree?” After all, it’s basically Christmas at that point, you didn’t think there would actually be time to recover, did you?
- If you do happen to pull off the Martha Stewart Turkey Day dream… just do a simple compare and contrast with the appearance of your table and the appearance of yourself. Let’s just assume that it wouldn’t be the best day for a family photo.
- When everyone around the table shares what they are thankful for you have to lie and say something about friends and family when you really just want to blurt out; FROZEN PIZZA!
Anyone else with me? What do you do for Thanksgiving dinner??