Passionate About San Diego
and the Moms Who Live Here

An Open Letter To My Friends Without Kids

An Open Letter to my friend

Hi friend,

I miss you. It’s hard when I don’t get to see you as much as I used to.

I remember my first pregnancy like it was yesterday. Not many of our friends had been down that road, so it was hard to do it alone. I was uncomfortable mostly all the time, but you still invited me out. I did my best to enjoy my time out while I was pregnant, as I knew it was precious time alone with my friends.

letter to my friends

Me on the left, feeling the pregnancy! With my two best girl friends.

open letter to my friend

Getting all kinds of love from friends before baby came!

I remember when my first baby was born and I struggled with easing into motherhood. You came by once and it seemed a little awkward. It was hard for me while I was breastfeeding. I am sorry I couldn’t focus on our conversations. I was merely a breastfeeding machine for the first 3 months straight and nothing else mattered. I am sorry I didn’t always respond to your texts or calls. I was either sleeping or breastfeeding.

Thank you for continuing to invite me to your fun nights out, eventhough I would never come to one. I may have said that I couldn’t get a sitter while my husband was at work. I may have said that I had other plans.

The truth was that I was tired.

I was always tired. I know it’s hard for you to understand why. The baby never slept, and I rarely showered. I wouldn’t have been able to look anything less then a zombie if we went out together anyways. I’m pretty sure the smell of breast milk and spit up oozing from my body would have been a total turn off to anyone within smelling distance from me.

I know you eventually stopped inviting me out, and it’s ok. I understand why you did.

As we transitioned from the baby phase into raising tiny adults, my weekends slowly turned into kids birthday parties and soccer games. We were consumed with keeping the kids in various activites and we were always busy. I am sorry that I still didn’t make enough time to spend with you. Raising a family is a lot of hard work.

I have to admit that I occasionally feel jealous of your glamorous international vacations and “girls trips” with all your single girl friends. I dream about spontaneously planning a fun vacation, not having to worry about who is going to watch the girls or how we are going to pay for it, and just LIVE that freeing lifestyle.

But then I realize that maybe sometime in the future, you want a family too. Maybe you want what I already have, and I just haven’t given us the time to sit down and have that conversation. Friend, I want that for you. I want you to have the family you always wanted because you deserve it. And maybe then, I can see you more often. Perhaps at kids birthday parties, or family get togethers.

Then I think, maybe you don’t want a family in the future. Maybe the life you live is one you planned. I only hope I can be a part of it more.

I am sorry that this has taken me so long to write. Know that I will do a better job of being your friend, because I miss you and want to spend time with you.

I hope you can forgive me for the kind of friend I have been over the last few years. I know you will forgive, because you are a good person. You are understanding, tolerant and have a huge heart.

I can’t wait to give you a huge squeeze next time I see you.

Your friend for life,

Me

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6 Responses to An Open Letter To My Friends Without Kids

  1. Lori C.
    Lori C. July 15, 2016 at 8:09 am #

    Me and another gal were the only ones in our friends group to get married and have kids. Over time we did lose touch with everyone else, but guess what?????

    When my kids got older and then went off to college, I came out of the kid tunnel. My very close pals from long ago were there to receive me and we are back to meeting up and carrying on like before I had kids.

    The best of the besties will be there for you when you are not so consumed by your life as a parent and that is something to look forward to!

  2. Jenna Skora
    Jenna Skora July 15, 2016 at 8:16 am #

    Thanks Lori. I really needed to hear that. It seems like it’s such a tough time right now, but I know my friends are patient, and I look forward to them being there when my littles are grown and gone <3

  3. Christelle July 15, 2016 at 9:04 am #

    Oh man. Lori: Thanks for giving us hope! And Jenna, I relate to all of this.I was the first of my friends and siblings to have kids by many years. Beautifully written. Love your heart ♡

  4. Jenn Charles July 15, 2016 at 10:29 am #

    Thank you for sharing! I went through this too and then looked around and realized that the friends I have now (with kids) went through this same thing and now we’ve chosen each other. You’ve got a friend in me! (And I’d love to hang out earlier, because of bedtimes, without kids!) LOL

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