Halloween is just around the corner. If you are like me and that sentence made you cringe a bit, let me justify all the cringes for you. I am a firm believer that Halloween is the worst idea ever. It was great as a kid and all, but from the mom side of the coin… not so much
I wrote this article a couple of weeks ago, in which I addressed the costumes that should NOT be worn. Including my issues with skanky youth costumes (just don’t), tacky political/racial jokes, and my issues with the family costume conundrum. No need for repetition, life is too short.
Today’s discord with costumes is more along the lines of itchy and complicated. After getting multiple toddlers suited up and ready to head out the door, I am in a full sweat and inevitably someone will need to pee. Taking a bunch of kids out trick or treating in the dark is scary enough that you might lose one… why must we disguise them and make them even harder to recognize? (I have tried to navigate this issue by covering my kids in glow sticks… it’s kinda like putting the obnoxious ribbon on your suitcase so you can easily spot your bag on the turnstile. Haven’t lost one yet!)
We just moved from Colorado so I am not completely sure if this concern will apply to life in San Diego… but snow or at least freezing temperatures were a legitimate concern when choosing costumes. It does still get a little chilly when the sun goes down here, but I am not feeling the need to work the snow suit into the ballerina costume. San Diego people seem to think 70 is cold, we will just go with that.
Somewhere along the line someone thought, “Hey! I have a brilliant idea! Let’s put our kids in costumes so it will be even harder to distinguish them in the dark. Then go knock on a bunch of strangers doors and ask for free stuff!”
What the what? How is this even a thing?
Moms of the world be like… “No Johnny, we don’t talk to strangers and we certainly don’t go to a strangers house. Unless it’s Halloween. Then you knock on the door with your pillow case wide open and hope for a king sized candy bar.”
- Manners (or the lack thereof)
If I got a dollar for every time I had to remind my kid to use a manner word after being handed free crap from an outright stranger, well, I’d have a lot of dollars. Maybe it’s the stranger danger factor? Possibly the sugar high? Perhaps it’s the lack of parenting? Whatever it is, it drives me crazy! We made a rule a few years back that if you don’t say “thank you,” mom and dad get to take a piece from your stash. It seems to motivate.
- It’s expensive
I mean seriously?!?!?! Costumes are stupid expensive, even if you are super mom and make every detail by your precious self. Then there is the candy that you have to pass out to all the strangers that come knocking on your door. (On that note, why does it always seem that my kid ends up with a pillowcase full of Bit O Honeys and I’m over here passing out Reese’s cups and Snickers Bars?)
To add to the cost, we celebrate the thing like a bazillion times… trunk or treat at the church, classroom party, friends costume party, actual Halloween night, and don’t let them fool you with a “fall festival,” you can absolutely put that on the long list of celebrations.
- The Hangover
Why is Halloween always on a school night? I mean, I know it isn’t always on a school night but it sure feels that way. Experts say hangovers get worse with age. I am not so sure about that. Maybe there is just a sweet spot in your twenties where you are more resilient? My toddlers seem to need some hair of the dog to even get them out of bed the next day. Pancakes with a side of KitKats and M&Ms? Sure! Anything to get you out that door this morning!
I think I have the ultimate solution… We just need a Halloween Fairy. She would come in the night. Fill their precious trick-or-treat loot bags with all sorts of candy (that mom and dad like). The kids won’t need to use manners, engage with strangers, stay up late on a school night, catch pneumonia, or spend a small portion of their inheritance on some poorly made costume that will be falling apart by the end of the night. And just like that, problem solved!