Hey there loner mom, shy mom, and introverted mom.
I see you.
I am like you.
I am the one who has an hour-long conversation with myself debating whether to go to an event or not.
I am the one who can’t seem to join or exit a conversation gracefully.
I am the one who sits by myself because it is easier to be alone than to try to start a conversation with someone I don’t know.
I am the one who stands alone when others engage in friendly chatter.
I am the one who can’t get past the first sentence or two before I am cut off by another jumping in.
I am the one who everyone seems to notice because I am different.
I am the one who is cast aside when group plans are made.
I am the one who is invited somewhere once, but then never invited back.
I never used to care much, before I was a mom.
But, then my kids forced me out because of school activities, sports activities, and play-time activities.
It is hard being cast, nearly every day, into circumstances I find uncomfortable.
Why can’t idle chatter come easy to me?
What is it about ME, that moms do not find interesting enough to engage with me?
Why does it feel so awkward for me to act as others do socially?
Why is it so hard for me to make and keep friends?
Why do people, who later became good friends, tell me, “I thought you did not like me when we first met.”?
It is not that I do not like being social, I do. I like to go out and be in the midst of activity.
It is just sooooooo hard.
I did collect some really good friends throughout motherhood, but it was real work.
Looking back, this is how I came to accept myself and that I will never be comfortable in a group setting initially…
…to those mommy events, school events, mom’s night out events, and anything that captures your interest.
I also never hesitated to invite myself along to things that interested me and, very rarely, did I get a no.
And, if I ever got invited out for something, anything really, I found a way to go. Because the invites did not come often. If someone took the time to sincerely think of me and invite me, then I was going to do all I could to be there.
Just sit by yourself!!!
Very rarely did I find myself sitting alone for long. And, those that joined me, often became lasting friends.
Never give up, no matter how awkward you feel!!!
I could tell you that no one notices, but they do. The key is to find others who see through it to the real you.
If you find someone or a group you enjoy being with, keep going.
For me, best friends were developed over time… a long time.
One very good friend commented to me straight up when we first started hanging around together, “you don’t say much, but you keep hanging around, so you must like us… and we like having you around.”
Others may not see you as you see yourself, but you may never know it unless they tell you.
One of the ‘popular’ cheer moms commented to me when I ran into her a couple of years after our girls had competed together (a total of 9 years), that her and the other cheer moms called me ‘chill mom’ because according to them, I always seemed to stay away from the ‘crazy’ and was always there for my daughter.
I’ll take ‘chill mom’!!!!
SO, YES!!!!!! SUCCESS!!!!!
I found my people.
They know me, as I am.
And, they love me, as I am.