Passionate About San Diego
and the Moms Who Live Here

Single Mom in San Diego Series: Best-Laid Plans of this Dating Mom

Tis with life, no one plans to be a “Single Mom”, but it happens.

Eventually, some of us decide or get pushed into what comes next. That next step into the scary dating world. Along with everything else, we adapt to that new role of “dating Single Mom.” Some of us have these visions of how it all is going to go down…

I truly thought this would be one area in my life that I could totally control!

Seriously, I thought I could jump into dating and it will be no big deal. I can schedule dates on my nights off and no one will ever need to know of my single mom status until I’m ready. They won’t see my kiddo in any form. I had a grand master plan! I purposely would leave out all images with the kid or mention in the description in my profile or any of my chats. All I can think of is, no pedophiles wanting me for my child and no “single dad” drama, which is irony, because they love using their kids in pictures like adorable puppy props.

But, really whoever I end up with, they won’t meet the kid until at least a year, worse comes to worse a minimum 6 months. This is totally reasonable! Totally doable!

Ha! Well, you can guess all the things that can go awry. Yup, that’s my life.

This story starts almost like any other “love story,” boy meets girl…online…girl plans to meet boy. So exciting, right? Well, I “match” with this guy through one of those fun dating apps (future post to come on that topic), and everything is great. We joke a lot. There’s common interests and mutual respect for arts that not all people get.

This one match, he likes me for me! Me! My personality, quirks and all! Minus that tiny little mom detail. He even knows I blog, not exactly what I blog about, but is being pretty cool, even when I’m escaping the specifics of what exactly I blog about. We plan to finally meet for a face to face. I’m excited.

…Then the glory of social media fails me!

single mom

With just a mere few hours short of our first meeting I see that Instagram has decided to suggest him! Aka, it’s probably checked my phone’s contacts. On the surface- not scary, but when I realize that my profile is public, panic sets in! The hot cold sweats, like I’m truly this horrible person for leaving out details of my life, what can I do!? So I save face, wish for the best and embrace those “single mom,” a “divorcee” titles. Sigh. (Plan Fail #1)

To add insult to injury, I must tell him via text. My least favorite form of communication when I feel it’s something of importance or I need a read on the the receiver’s emotions. “Ummm, so I need to tell you…” 

His response is pretty perfect for my nerves and sense of humor. “There are worse things.” I laugh and thank God! My kid isn’t at all a bad thing, but just the humor behind the response was perfect. I follow it up with a screenshot of wonderful Instagram suggestions and I try to explain why I was forced into the quick confession vs. my original plans of face to face. Really, all I wanted was to wait to see how a guy would handle that news. Facial expressions and body language mean a lot. Also, what if I really don’t care for him? He doesn’t need to know about my kiddo. Really my idea wasn’t that crazy! But his response is just what I needed. I’m at ease and plans are still on.  

Well, I meet this great guy, oh he request a cool fake name for my posts, “Yorick.” Well, Yorick and I’s meeting goes as good as a first date can, and things continue on. We see each other regularly and are doing great, everything is great, everything is funny, and fun. We joke about the future and we are totally on the same page! All those wonderful “plans” I have, he totally agrees with, the biggest idea of postponing the kid life as far as possible! We high five on it.

Little did we know, our high-fives are really a curse. 

(Plan Fail #2,#3,…losing count!) An emergency with my family pet happens! My very loved pet is missing. I’m lucky it happens to be on one night that the kiddo was already planned to be with family, but I’m ALONE. Really alone. Freaking out and clueless on what to do!

Next thing I know it’s 1 in the morning and Yorick’s here! My place, here! This isn’t supposed to happen! He’s not supposed to see my place. Not for the first time while it’s a total wreck! He’s not supposed to see ME a wreck! Yet, he’s here to rescue me from myself and determined to help me as a friend. Yorick is trying to help me laugh, distract, and actually sleep. He doesn’t leave my side and is actually determined to help me find that missing pet. He stays true to his word and he literally spends the next day devoted to helping me and my cause just like he said he would! Awe.

As amazing as all that sounds, my no-strings, new friend is now not only meeting my kid…but also my freaking family because of this emergency. (Plan fail #4??)

The anxiety could almost make me pass out, BUT like the “I’m a mom” talk, the meeting is smooth and everyone is focusing on the pet issue.

Good or bad, Yorick and the kid have a instant bond. Granted, I’m still not sure how this all plays out, but currently, they are 2 peas in a pod.

Hands in the air, I give up and stop fighting fate! Time to accept, my plans aren’t the universe’s plans and laugh. 

So, I guess it’s safe to say this story is “To Be Continued.”

single mom

Before you get too excited, I should mention, we still are in “friends” status, especially since the kid is now a piece of the puzzle. I may have planned to set out for that dating frame of mind, but I must say even if that completely fails with him, I have gained one of the best friends ever, those kind of friends that just click into your life like they were always there. Not my plan, but I couldn’t be happier. Fate can be funny, but there is one thing Yorick and I do agree on, if ever there is a day, we would have a crazy hilarious story for our wedding toast! Hehe.

Good luck dating out there, remember sometimes you just gotta let go and embrace your mess, you just never know.

I’m curious, have any dating thoughts, plans, goals go straight out the window? I would love to hear them!

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