When I first thought of the idea for this piece, I had no idea that the governing committee of The Winter Games – I’ll just refer to them as “The Big O” – takes their corporate sponsorships very seriously and institutes an official media blackout period to which even the humblest of bloggers must abide orface serious fines!
Pretty much any word related to the Winter Games is off limits.
Navigating the list of rules felt like a challenge not much different than trying to drag my 8 and 10 year olds through Target without them each asking for 10 billion things – but I was up to it. If you’re like me and you have “Mom” anywhere in your official title, then you are busy. So many levels of busy.
So when you do get the opportunity for intelligent conversation, even just the small talk kind, you should be armed with at a minimum, the basics on current events.
It came to my attention last week that I was severely lacking any clue on one of the biggest sporting events being tossed around the water cooler and I quickly felt a desperate need to catch up! I mean, how could I not know anything about this ice-skating Spaniard who according to multiple co-workers is “all that and a bag of chips”?
I like Spaniards! But between work and mom duties and kid sports, I have gotten in very little screen time with one of the most anticipated sporting games of modern television. I used to love watching them, and the pageantry of it all!
Suddenly I felt like I was seriously missing out. I figured many of my mom friends probably were too. Getting you this vital information might feel like a rousing game of charades at times, but get your game night face on and bear with me as we recount the top ten things people are talking about that you NEED to know:
*NORWAY. They dominated in the total medal count. I probably can’t tell you for what, for who or how many. It’s probably not that important, let’s just leave it at that. (OK, it was 39…shhhhhh)
*THERE WERE CHEERLEADERS. No, I swear! Lots of them. Everywhere. About 230 of them to be exact. The ones I happened to see out of the corner of my eye during figure skating of some sort were dressed head to toe in bright pink and I remember thinking, “Um, are those cheerleaders?!” Yes, yes they were.
*JOHNNY ♥ TARA. This hot little duo was like the epitome of commentary for millennials. Covering all things figure skating, it was hard to focus on what they were saying without being distracted by Johnny’s wardrobe and hair – or Tara’s sparkly club outfits. These two didn’t pull any punches and although their chemistry was very Katie and Matt (eh, bad example) the quips were very Kathy and Anderson (hmmm…another bad example) …entertaining to say the least.
*SPANIARD SUPERHERO. Wait, was that the hot Spanish figure skater everyone was talking about – in tights and a cape?! Oh my. In his final skate at the exhibition gala, he strutted through an aerobics-themed routine that is more comedy than the artistry he is known for. Apparently, people were very entertained by it. Unfortunately consensus was this knocked him down a few hot points in my office.
*COOL RUNNINGS 2.0. This time, the Jamaican women debuted in the bobsled competition for the first time in Winter Games history. They too had a Hollywood-ready underdog story: just days before their event, their coach quit, threatening to take their sled with her! Luckily Jamaican’s famous beer company stepped up to buy their sled for a cool $52,000. Phew.
*WHAT THE HECK IS ICE DANCING? Is it just me, did I totally miss when this became a thing? Do not make the very incorrect assumption like I did that Ice Dancing is simply the new term for Pairs Skating. Nope, it’s very much not. Partners are required to perform little to none of their routine skating apart. It’s more footwork, less throwing, jumping and spinning. Just one more thing to keep track of. Awesome. *USA MEN’S CURLING TAKES GOLD. Yes, Curling is a sport – well, more of a game really. 5 Sunday drinking buddies from Minnesota won the gold! They couldn’t be more “man-next- door” and we’re super proud of them. Ladies, you missed your chance to see men who really know how to work a Swiffer.
*SNOWBOARDING WENT WELL. It seems like the US just breeds kids that know how to shred a mountain these days. One of our gals (with two first names) became the youngest athlete ever to win a snowboarding medal – and it was gold, no less. Another teenage athlete (he happens to be named after the color of tomatoes) hilariously over-slept, lost his coat AND swore on national TV – then he won gold too. Speaking of tomatoes, a more seasoned athlete we all know as The Flying Tomato won his 3 rd gold medal. Not too shabby.
*”MASS START SPEED SKATING” DEBUTS. Now there’s a creative title. Clearly not thought of by the same person who coined Curling. Called the “NASCAR on ice”, it’s exactly what is says it is. Up to 24 skaters all take off at once, vying for the lead. It’s crazy, it reminded me of the roller skate rink I frequented as a teenager – minus the big hair. Definitely one of the most bizarre things I witnessed. You know, when I was researching this for you in my free time.
*THERE WAS STREAKING. Topping THE most bizarre occurrence was a certain middle-aged man with a long ponytail, pink tutu and some sort of strategically-placed monkey who managed to get onto the ice at the men’s speed skating event and do a little dance before being carted off. I’m so sorry you had to miss that.
There you go! I hope you are all up to speed now! Anything else I missed?