As summer is coming to a close, all the camps are wrapping up, and all our stores have busted out their best “Back to School” sales, my feelings start to turn to sadness.
Though I may be wrong, I feel like I just may be the only mom/parent out here going, “NO, I am NOT happy school is about to start!!” This mama is not counting down the days till my kid returns to school. Honestly, I’m trying to keep it to the back of my mind. My answer to the common question is, “NO, I am not over my kid.” I am not excited and ready to “gain back my freedom.” And you most certainty will not be seeing any of those fun, jumping for joy back to school happy mom pics here.
Summer ending means less time filled with her and less memories being built together. It’s the feeling like I am digging my heels in the sand and trying to fight time. I am beginning to notice this “Summertime Sadness” gets worse as she goes up in grades. Every first and last day of school picture just reminds me that my time with her is limited. Not that my time is limited because my kid is about to leave for school, but limited in those days where my kid actually wants me around. Those tiny loving hands that still are happy to hold mine, are growing. Our teen years will be upon us before I get a chance to blink. This growing process is happening. I just want to hold on to my kiddo with all my might.
Not saying those that don’t share in my lack of back to school enthusiasm don’t love their kids, but I really LOVE my kid! And I love spending time with her!
Summer is closing and now the limited hours of family time are approaching. I like the silly things we do, and I love our adventures. It doesn’t matter if we are in nature, out in the city, or just sitting on our couch. It doesn’t matter what we are doing! It’s all time filled with us. Its even a privilege to watch her learn. I won’t be her main source of knowledge in the coming months and I won’t get to be there for her like I am now. We won’t get to just let our day take it where it may, school time is filled with schedules and homework. I will really just miss all the freedom in just having time.
I am selfish.
It would be a lie if I didn’t admit it, but this time of year I start thinking of homeschool. We can do things on our time. And I’m not the best model for core math. But really, most of all, I would get to see that wonderful moment when she gets it! You know when they are working out something and you just see the gears turning, then the “Ah-Ha” moment! I will miss that. BUT, this homeschool idea just isn’t a good fit for my kid. It really is just an example of my purely selfish thoughts on my part.
…I get some may be confused and wonder, “Well, why don’t you just homeschool? She may like it? Why is that selfish??”
Well, I am not as talented as her teachers. I also am not as broad spectrum-ed as her current school. She has been blessed to join a tri-lingual program, and of course I don’t even know where to begin when it comes to her favorite language, Mandarin. Plus, she is just one of those kids that needs the social interaction and needs to learn from different styles. Sadly, I am just one type, and I know I can’t meet all those needs of hers. There are just some things this mom wasn’t meant to do and that is one of them.
Since homeschooling isn’t in the cards, I am accepting that school is around the bend, but please don’t talk to me about the fact that these school years seem to be starting sooner and sooner. It feels like Summer barely just began, and now school starts again before Labor Day?!? Gone are the summers of my childhood. I do miss when school was a September 8th-10th start day, with a full, three month summer! Those were nice.
Though I can’t stop time, I have resigned to the fact that it is our last days of summer. Freedom of schedule is coming to an end. BUT, I can make the most out of this last bit! I won’t cram these last days with time away from me. We will fill our time with more bonding. I plan to enjoy every last minute of it! Heck, we’ll even continue working on our summer bucket list.
Come the first day of school, I will be that mom with a brave face and a big proud smile, but just know you other moms out there fighting with these feelings, you aren’t alone! Remember how blessed we are to get to watch these little miracles grow. Enjoy the summer as it’s here, and don’t let the commercials and school lists drag you down. And, I apologize to those of you moms that are reading this, feelings this, and your children have already returned to the school routine. My heart goes out to you.
Hugs! Stay Strong Mama!