Passionate About San Diego
and the Moms Who Live Here

To the Mom in a Different Stage of Life than me…

stage of life

 

Motherhood is such a funny thing. Similar to life, it seems like it goes so fast and so slow all at the same time. There have been moments in my motherhood journey where I couldn’t wait to get to the next stage and then other moments where I looked back and missed a stage we had quickly passed by.

I know I am not alone in my feelings because I often hear comments from other moms in a different stage of life than me.

 

Moms with newborns look longingly at my preschooler playing independently and wish for the day where they can set their baby down for more than two minutes.

Moms with tweens who tell me my toddler is at their “favorite age”.

Moms who offer to snuggle that sweet brand new baby to breathe in that precious smell.

Moms who spend their days chauffeuring their kids around to different activities, counting down the days until one of the kids can drive.

 
I think we can all agree that motherhood, and life, are made up of very different seasons. When we are actually living in each season of life, it’s much easier to focus on the negative aspects. However, when we look forward and look back, it seems we only see or remember the positive parts from other seasons.

 
So to all you moms in a different stage of life than me…

 
To the pregnant mom: I know you can’t wait to have that sweet baby in your arms. Everyone is telling you to sleep now, but we all know that isn’t happening. Enjoy those baby kicks and nightly foot massages from your husband (prescribed by your doctor of course).

 
To the mom with the newborn: I promise one day your baby will do more than just eat, sleep and poop. Try and steal as many kisses as you can and let that baby nap on you any time they want! I promise it won’t cause any permanent damage.

 
To the mom with the toddler: I know you feel like you might lose your mind if your toddler has one more meltdown about the way you cut the banana. You can’t wait for the day when you don’t have to hold your breath in the checkout line anxiously awaiting a public tantrum. Try and enjoy the budding individuality of that little human. Let them pick out their own outfits and write down all the silly things they say (if nothing else take lots of pictures for future blackmail).

 
To the mom with the preschooler: I know some days you wonder if you have fast-forwarded to the teenage years. You wonder how such a small person can have so much attitude. Try and enjoy that inquisitive little mind and the innocent questions they have about the world.

 
To the mom with the kindergartener: I know it feels like you just gave birth yesterday. I know watching your child walk into that classroom feels a little like your heart being ripped out and a little bit like the freedom you have been wishing for the last five years. Try and enjoy that humongous smile on your kid’s face when you pick them up every day. Try and soak in the time spent doing homework together while it is still easy enough for you to do.

 
To the mom with the kid in elementary school: I know you feel like you spend most of your time shuffling your kid from one place to the other. I know sometimes you both end up crying over homework. Try to enjoy doing fun things as a family while your kid is old enough to actually make memories they will keep forever (and before they start to be embarrassed by your presence).

 
To the mom with the middle schooler: I know you wonder most days where your sweet child has gone. I know you worry about the scary choices your child is already being faced with. Try to soak in the times that they still ask for your opinion even if they don’t always listen. Soak in the drive to school and listen to their problems even if they seem silly to you.

 
To the mom with the teenager: I know it may feel like the whole boarding school thing isn’t such a bad idea sometimes. I know you may lose it over the next eye roll. Try to look for the fruit of your labor because I promise it is there. Take the time to watch them make smart decisions even if they are few and far between.

 
To the mom sending her kid off to college: I know you lay awake at night wondering if you have done enough. I know you worry about your child’s future more than ever before. Try and look forward to when your child will come home with a bag full of laundry. After a few months away, your child will appreciate you more than ever before!

 
To the mom with adult children: I know you may feel like you aren’t needed anymore. Can I just say as an adult child that you couldn’t be more wrong? You are so needed and you are appreciated more than you know (love you mom!).

 

Every season has its joy and its trouble. You may feel like the season you are in will never end, but I promise you it will. Let’s try to focus and enjoy the season we are currently in, no matter if it is a tough one or a sweet one. Let’s focus on the positive parts of every season instead of wishing it all away. I’ll try if you will!

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64 Responses to To the Mom in a Different Stage of Life than me…

  1. Ola Otto March 23, 2017 at 8:22 pm #

    Terrific post. Truer words were never spoken.

    • Brittany
      Brittany March 28, 2017 at 2:04 pm #

      Thank you so much! I’m glad you were able to relate.

  2. Jeannette March 27, 2017 at 7:25 pm #

    please post about the grandma turned mom again of a pre teen and teen at 62. I lost my identity as a grandma and had to turn my life backwards. Like is not always fair!

    • mrsjs15 March 28, 2017 at 6:47 am #

      I sincerely hope that the fairness you are referring to is the situation your grandchildren are in having what you portray as neither parent around to take care of them rather than the inconvenience of you having to take on the role of mom again in your later years. If its the former, I completely agree with you… if its the latter… I have to wonder if the situation you are in isnt somehow related to your feelings…

    • Brittany
      Brittany March 28, 2017 at 2:05 pm #

      I can’t imagine Jeannette! That must be so hard but you are doing a wonderful thing.

  3. Joanne March 28, 2017 at 6:13 am #

    This is so very true, So mom’s enjoy all the moments

    • Brittany
      Brittany March 28, 2017 at 2:06 pm #

      Yes! Thank you!

      • JoAnn Kossky March 29, 2017 at 7:24 am #

        Those are words of wisdom for a Mother in any stage. I am 73 and have 3 children 51,49 and 37. I wouldn’t trade any moment we have had together for all the gems in China. I can still feel and smell them as infants. I have told a lot of people when they ask me if I would live my life over again, what would I choose to do. I always tell them; HAVE MY BABIES again. Even the hard labors and 1 C-section. I thank God for allowing me to be their mother.

        • Brittany
          Brittany March 30, 2017 at 8:45 am #

          Wow! Thank you, that means so much! Your kids are all very lucky to have you!

        • Trish September 3, 2017 at 5:50 pm #

          Amen! I would say the exact same thing. My son is eighteen now, a senior in high school. He is my miracle baby, angel from God, and the absolute best thing in my life. He always will be. I have enjoyed every stage of life. I know I will worry when you goes to college. That is a natural response. I can only pray, he will spread his wings and fly with great success. And know I will always be here to pick him up, dust him off and sending back into the world.

  4. Gretchen March 29, 2017 at 2:24 pm #

    Brittany – Thank you! I’m in the elementary age now and sooooo true. thanks for the encouragement. I needed it. (From a reader and writer in colorado springs – Colorado Springs Mom’s Blog)

    • Brittany
      Brittany March 30, 2017 at 8:46 am #

      Thank you so much for commenting! I am so glad you were able to relate, I was nervous about doing justice to the older stages since I only have toddlers.

  5. Nancy March 29, 2017 at 4:37 pm #

    From a mother of a 5 11 19 20 22 there has never been a description of how to always stay appreciative with mothering and really how it feels to be the mother of each stage. Love this.

    • Brittany
      Brittany March 30, 2017 at 8:47 am #

      Thank you so much Nancy! I am so glad you liked it.

  6. Kathleen March 29, 2017 at 9:02 pm #

    Truly lovely!

    • Brittany
      Brittany March 30, 2017 at 5:23 pm #

      Thank you so much!

  7. Monica March 30, 2017 at 7:32 am #

    Now that I’ve been unfortunate to my son’s tragic death, age 27 yrs. There’s so much more and so much less, I wish that I’d have done differently. Each moment is priceless, for both.

    • Brittany
      Brittany March 30, 2017 at 5:24 pm #

      Monica my heart breaks to hear that. I am so sorry for your loss. I know your son was very lucky to have such a caring mother.

  8. ann March 30, 2017 at 11:14 am #

    Great article! I have five grandchildren five and under – now I treasure every minute and love every stage! My how your perspective changes with grands!

    • Brittany
      Brittany March 30, 2017 at 5:25 pm #

      Wow! That has got to be very fun and very busy! My mom always tells me that you appreciate so much more when you are a grandma. They are very lucky to have you in their lives!

  9. Jenn March 30, 2017 at 11:21 pm #

    Being the mom that lost her mom is another, going through these seasons ( now preschool, almost kindergarten) and wishing she could’ve seen my son grow up and do new things, missing my mom every single day.

    • Brittany
      Brittany March 31, 2017 at 8:31 am #

      Oh Jenn I am so sorry to hear that! I’m sure she would be so proud of you as a mom!

  10. ellen scolnic March 31, 2017 at 10:10 am #

    such a good idea for topic – and well-written. very true! As a mom to grown –I hang out with my neighbor whose boys are 5&3 -just for all the memories they bring back…

    • Brittany
      Brittany March 31, 2017 at 10:24 am #

      Thank you so much Ellen!

  11. Margie March 31, 2017 at 6:38 pm #

    BEAUTIFUL AND SO TRUE!!!

    • Brittany
      Brittany April 1, 2017 at 1:01 pm #

      Thank you so much!

  12. Suzanne Fluhr April 1, 2017 at 3:50 am #

    The other day, I was visiting my 92 year old mother (I’m 62) and I told her when I was leaving that I planned to walk down 20 flights of stirs rather than take the elevator. She launched into a soliloquy about how dangerous it was. As she saw me roll my eyes (yes, I still do that sometimes), she looked at me and said, “You know, you never stop being the mother.” A few hours later, my 29 year son informed me that he bought a motorcycle. I instantly expressed my concern, thinking, “Mom’s right. You never stop being the mother.”

    • Brittany
      Brittany April 1, 2017 at 1:02 pm #

      Suzanne you are so right! I don’t think being a mom is something you can ever turn off! How sweet that your mom is able to share so much wisdom with you.

  13. Melanie April 1, 2017 at 4:29 am #

    This is so good! It spoke to my heart and I am sure it will to so many! Thank you for sharing your gift of writing and your love of mommy hood!

    • Brittany
      Brittany April 1, 2017 at 1:03 pm #

      Thank you so much Melanie! That really means a lot to me and I am so glad it spoke to you.

  14. Kammy April 1, 2017 at 7:18 am #

    Great article! I have 2 teenagers right now, and that is such a scary stage with the pressures of the world and the internet and social media…It makes me look back fondly and miss the younger stages and wonder if I have given them the tools they need to face these pressures. And I still need my mom many times. Motherhood is a never ending, sometimes thankless but still the best job I could ever have imagined being blessed enough to have!

    • Brittany
      Brittany April 1, 2017 at 1:05 pm #

      Perfectly said Kammy! I am so nervous about the teenage years, I can only imagine. I am sure you have given them all the tools they will need, although I am sure they will have to learn some things the hard way. That’s what I am nervous about! I know one day I won’t be able to kiss everything better and that will be tough to go through.

  15. Ellen K April 1, 2017 at 3:17 pm #

    Do you really think it stops with college? My kids are in their 20’s and 30’s. I pray they are safe. I pray they are loved or find love. I pray that their friends appreciate them. I pray that one day they will decide to have children. I pray they will still find time for me. Every time a tornado warning goes off near my kids’ houses, I call. Every time they are sick I bring soup. I bake a cake for every birthday and go to sleep with a prayer on my lips that they are under the careful eye of God. You never, ever stop being a Mom.

    • Brittany
      Brittany April 2, 2017 at 6:51 pm #

      I definitely agree! Your kids are very lucky to have you.

  16. Amber Owens April 1, 2017 at 4:47 pm #

    From all my heart❤️ thank you SOOO much 4 this! I’m trying very hard not to cry my face off right now! 😭 I can not explain how very much I needed to read this right now. Thank you! 🙏

    • Brittany
      Brittany April 1, 2017 at 8:16 pm #

      Amber thank you so much for your comment! I am so glad you were able to relate to all of this. Being a mom is hard work so I am glad that this gave you some encouragement when you needed it.

  17. Wendi April 2, 2017 at 3:39 pm #

    And there are those of us, (i know i can’t be the only one) who is blessed with an 8,12,15, 15, 18, 21, 23, 26 and 30-year-old children and grandmom to six 4 and under. The phases of motherhood and grandma-dom flow back and forth dependent 9n where I’m needed most. Each day is filled with the unexpected blessings and also the necessary tedium to help my family succeed and function. So far, i haven’t found a favorite stage. There are moments i feel invisible and at a loss for who i am outside of what i do, but when i feel most lost, one of my loves reminds me of the wonderfulness of life. Thanks for sharing your insight. Too often, moms forget we need to support one another’s journey.

    • Brittany
      Brittany April 3, 2017 at 8:39 pm #

      Wow Wendi you have a full house and I’m sure an even fuller heart! Thank you for supporting me, you are so right that all moms need that!

  18. Jen Hall April 2, 2017 at 8:40 pm #

    I’m a mom of a teen, tween and preschooler. I look at my teen sometimes and long for when she was younger but I see the beginnings of a strong woman as well and I just hope I’ve given her the tools she needs to continue to be strong

    • Brittany
      Brittany April 3, 2017 at 8:41 pm #

      Wow Jen you really have an unique perspective with kids of different ages! I am sure you have done a great job preparing your older ones for the real world. Thanks for your comment!

  19. Carolyn Hearn April 3, 2017 at 4:46 pm #

    I loved your post, i am a mother of 3 girls and one boy, ages 52,48,,42,and 32, it has been a struggle, but a blessing, i was a single mother for 30 of those years, and had to work 2 jobs sometimes, just to get by, i dont regret any of it, i am now a grandmother of 9 and expecting my first great grandbaby, i am 70 and they keep me going, i enjoy them and thank God for allowing me to be healthy to do things with them, i am praying for many more years, to enjoy them and watch them grow into productive adults, i am blessed, the advice i would give to anyone is enjoy them while they are young, someday that role will be reversed, and your children will be there for you to help you transition into that next phase of life when you cant physically be there for them.

    • Brittany
      Brittany April 6, 2017 at 4:18 pm #

      Carolyn thank you so much for your comment! Your kids and now grandkids are very lucky to have you. I am sure they are blessed by you in their lives!

  20. Mary Lugin April 3, 2017 at 9:12 pm #

    What a wonderful story.Brittany. I am a mother of three boys and haven’t stopped loving the moment when they were born. I eventually became a single mum and nothing changed my love for my sons. I loved being pregnant – sick every day but didn’t care. There is nothing as precious as a newborn. When I see them today with their own families it always makes me smile. The same smile I saved for them when they were born.

    • Brittany
      Brittany April 6, 2017 at 4:19 pm #

      You are so right Mary! I am sure there is nothing better than watching your children with their own families. They are very lucky to have a mom like you!

  21. April April 6, 2017 at 5:44 am #

    Thank you for this it tugged at my heart, and is so very true. The advise you gave was so helpful and hope to use it through the years.

    • Brittany
      Brittany April 6, 2017 at 4:21 pm #

      Thank you so much April, that makes me really happy to hear!

  22. Gila Daman April 6, 2017 at 1:02 pm #

    This is beautiful!
    Thank you for writing this!

    • Brittany
      Brittany April 6, 2017 at 4:22 pm #

      You are so welcome! I am really glad you liked it 🙂

  23. Jennifer April 6, 2017 at 3:47 pm #

    As the mother of 3 children ages 14 & 9 years and 10 months old I can say that this is spot on. It seems with my youngest son I recognize much more just how quickly time is fleeting, having experienced how fast the teenage years come upon you and I soak up everything much more. I also feel extremely blessed that my teenage daughter still wants to hang out with her not so cool mom at times.

    • Brittany
      Brittany April 8, 2017 at 10:18 am #

      Wow Jennifer you do have an unique perspective! I definitely feel like it goes faster with each child. That is so awesome that your daughter still loves to hang out with you. Very special!

  24. Lindsay April 7, 2017 at 7:10 am #

    I absolutely love this post! It could not have been more true! I am currently in the preschool & newborn stage & good lord those words spoke to my heart! ❤️ My mom tells me to enjoy every stage/season I am in because it will go quick & will wish it back even the negatives!
    Thank you for this post & giving some insight!

    • Brittany
      Brittany April 8, 2017 at 10:23 am #

      Thank you so much Lindsay! I am really happy you were able to relate to my words. I feel like it can be extra challenging when you are in a couple of different stages at once. Good luck in this challenging but precious time!

  25. Lynne April 10, 2017 at 7:52 pm #

    Thank you very much for an amazing article! I have been a single Mom for 14 years. Thanks to their father, I was able to be home with them for 21 years. Those were some of the best years of my life! I loved being an at home Mom and never got bored with it. I worked two weekend days a month as a NICU nurse, my second favorite job! I have met some amazing families during that time. My children have grown up to be great people and it is fun to see what God has planned for each of them to be! Melissa my oldest had cancer when she was 10, thankfully God healed her, and now she is an RN caring for adults with cancer. Steven, my son is a pilot in The Air Force stationed in Japan. Shannon, the baby is graduating from college on May 6th. She moved back home a year ago, she really appreciates her Mom now, and commutes 45 minutes to college. I love having her back home. Melissa will be 30 on Shannon’s Graduation Day. Steven will be 27 on May 18th, and Shannon is 23. Melissa is married to my son in love Stan’s who will be 29 in June. He is a Civil Engineer in Florida. It is so hard having older kids living in another state and country! I am so thankful, Lord willing that I will have all of my kid’s home for graduation! Those times are few and far between. Enjoy your kids while you have them home❤They do grow up way too fast! Somewhere I heard, the days drag on, but the years fly by! That is so true.

    • Brittany
      Brittany April 13, 2017 at 5:51 pm #

      Wow Lynne it sounds like you have raised some pretty amazing kids! They are so lucky to have you! And NICU nurses are so, so dear to my heart. My first daughter was a preemie so we spent 17 long days in the NICU. I will always be so thankful for NICU nurse, you guys are angels!

  26. Barbara Wilkerson April 12, 2017 at 6:57 am #

    Oh my goodness, I have two daughters married to two fine men. They are truly my Son’s in-law.this article fit s my life to a T. Thank you. Now I would like to share with you my experience.I have reached that age we all worry about. My husband passed away at age 66.way too young.My daughters let me know I was not alone. Now at age 80. I am living with my daughter and her family.being treated as I would have taken care of my mother.My daughter and I was involved in a horrendous car accident. We lived through it after being hit head on by a truck.th lady admitted fault.we prayed for her ..this happened in January 12 2017 I got out of hisp.Feb.12th 2017. Thanking God this 80 yr.ol lived through it. I am still receiving home health care. MY DAUGHTER HAS TAKEN GOOD CARE OF ME.please Mommy’s don’t ever give up on your children, they will come through as you taught them. God Bless you all , you deserve the name Mother and you will always be their hero. Always.

    • Brittany
      Brittany April 13, 2017 at 5:53 pm #

      Barbara thank you so much for your inspirational story! I am so glad you are safe and your daughter is taking such good care of you. Praying you make a full recovery and get to spend many more years with your wonderful family!

  27. Kelli April 17, 2017 at 7:01 pm #

    I loved this article…so very true. It goes by in the blink of an eye! My oldest “baby” will be graduating in May and just as you state…”I lie awake at night wondering if I’ve done enough…” Is he ready? Will he be ok? Have I prepared homemade? Have I made enough memories? Will he ever come home again? The list goes on! Now it’s time to trust God! Thank you for this wisdom and insight!

    • Brittany
      Brittany April 20, 2017 at 12:37 pm #

      Oh Kelli I am so glad this spoke to you! It does go by so fast. I have a feeling that if you are having those thoughts than you have done a great job! You obviously have been intentional and thoughtful as a mom so I am sure he will do great!

  28. Alyssa Lanier April 28, 2017 at 5:31 pm #

    Wow, this got me in the feels. I have 4 kids; 17, 16, 13, and 8 and the words to those with babies in the stages I have been thru..that’s exactly what I would say!

    • Brittany
      Brittany May 2, 2017 at 6:03 pm #

      Thank you so much Alyssa! That means a lot coming from a seasoned mom like you.

  29. Leigh June 3, 2017 at 11:35 am #

    At 44 I have a very active 2-year-old boy. It honestly is like I won the lottery each day. Such an unexpected surprise for a mom who had given up trying. There are lots of us out there over 40. (At least you are not alone.) If you hear of a good support group online please post.

    • Brittany
      Brittany June 5, 2017 at 1:14 pm #

      Wow that is so awesome Leigh! Your little boy is very lucky to have a mom that enjoys his presence every single day. I will let you know if I hear of any support groups.

  30. Nina Marie July 3, 2017 at 2:33 am #

    Mom of a toddler who is hating this season! The constant challenging has turned me into this tired, anxious person. Will it ever get easier? I just want my life back!

    • Brittany
      Brittany July 6, 2017 at 12:10 pm #

      I am so sorry Nina! I am in the middle of toddlerhood too and it is a really tough season. The good news is it is just a season! I promise before you know it, you will be on to the next phase. We loved the book 123 magic for taking back the power our toddlers were trying to grasp. Good luck momma!

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