Passionate About San Diego
and the Moms Who Live Here

Sometimes I Feel Guilty For Being A Stay At Home Mom

Sometimes I feel guilty for being a stay at home mom.

My kids are not infants, and I’ve always worked in fast-paced and high-stress positions. The “lull” during the day when the kids are gone make me wonder if I am pulling my weight, or just being lazy.

Then I realize that not everything we give to our families can be qualified monetarily. As a stay at home mom, I am able to get my youngest from school so she can start homework at 3pm (instead of 6pm). I can take the kids to appointments without worrying about work. I have time to plan and prepare healthier meals. And the most challenging (at least for me) is that I can keep up with the laundry and keep the house tidy.

Mom Paycheck


But by far the biggest benefit is the fact that I am not tired and stressed from a long day at work. I’m present and engaged, versus going through the motions. I’m not screaming at the kids for every little thing, and I’m not constantly worrying that I should be cleaning whenever I try to relax. That alone has changed our family dynamic immensely. Can you buy that with a paycheck? NOPE. And trust me, because I tried!

The “new” me! Baking with my daughter is one of my favorite things to do. 🙂

I used to be a career woman, juggling a family. I tried to compensate for being “too busy” to bake cookies from scratch, or play a round of Super Mario Bros on the Wii, by saying I needed to clean the house or do laundry. The result was that I was merely a shadow in the house- I was there but certainly not present. The atmosphere was always tense, because I was always thinking that there was something else that needed to be done immediately. My stress became their stress- and pretty soon everyone was feeling tense. I knew I was the source of this, but I felt powerless to fix it.

And in a way, I was powerless. I was anxious, depressed and felt like a bad mom. I had to take anxiety medication to “relax,” and I couldn’t sleep so I had to take another pill before bed.

I know this isn’t a unique story- moms and dads work very hard and many of us find ourselves in this predicament. I merely saw a chance to exit the race, and did it. We live modestly, we avoid credit cards as much as possible and we have made some sacrifices (bye-bye cable!) to accommodate our new lifestyle. 

When the kids ask why we can’t go to Disneyland as much as we used to, or take off for a weekend in Palm Springs anymore, I gently remind them of the bigger picture. Our family time is no longer packed into a day at a theme park or a weekend in a hotel- it is every single day.

My daughter made her stuffy a matching apron after school, and we taught him how to make peanut butter cookies.


I’ve heard from friends that I’m wasting my schooling and higher degree, and limiting future career options with this little “time out.” Is that true? Perhaps… though I wasn’t working in my degree fields before, and I still “know what I know.” Maybe just inspiring my kids to reach for their dreams, which require a lot of schooling, is the best way I can put my degrees to use?

So I’m going to read this post the next time I doubt myself and my “value” in today’s society. For now, though, I’ve got some grocery shopping and tidying up to do.  The laundry is done…well, it is in the dryer getting wrinkled. At least the hampers are empty! 😉

 

 

 

 

 

 

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4 Responses to Sometimes I Feel Guilty For Being A Stay At Home Mom

  1. Christelle May 16, 2016 at 8:40 pm #

    I feel like you and can completely relate to this! My priority will always be my kids!

    • Melanie
      Melanie May 17, 2016 at 10:40 am #

      Thank you, Christelle! Glad to know I’m not alone in feeling guilty for staying home with my non-infant kids. We may be living a little less “large” than we did when I was employed but we are much happier! 🙂

  2. Greshann May 16, 2016 at 9:55 pm #

    Even though I don’t feel guilty for being a stay at home mom I can relate to being addicted to busyness. The drive to keep things tidy and organized was just too much. So I try my best to focus on enjoying my daughters and not the mountain of laundry that regurgitates itself every time I look away.

    • Melanie
      Melanie May 17, 2016 at 10:45 am #

      So true Greshann! We have to keep our focus on what is truly important. I tell myself that when the kids are awake and home with me THEY ARE MY JOB! I must focus on them, and not the stuff that I need to do after they are in bed or at school. It is a daily struggle for me, because I am kind of OCD. 🙁 I’m glad that you can relate to this post, and I applaud you for focusing on your daughters and ignoring the laundry!

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